Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
