Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
