seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
