booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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