Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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