so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
