First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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