I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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