I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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