you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
