That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize