It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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