If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
