Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
