if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
