I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm really into asian looking animals
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
