its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
