You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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