Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
