I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
