return my video game
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
