That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
