I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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