Rock
Scissors
Fuck
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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