I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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