woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
