I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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