Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
