Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
