her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
