So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
