Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
