The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
