Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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