my being single is dangerous.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
