The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
