Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
