Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
