Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And the cops told us we were all naked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
