All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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