cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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