Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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