"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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