another moral hangover. fuck.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
