Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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