I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
