i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
