i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
