But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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