So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
